Think about the first time you experienced a romantic breakup: Maybe it was as a teen after your first kiss, or when you broke up with your high school sweetheart before college. Then, think of the circles of friends you’ve been in over the years, and all of the emotions involved as social groups shifted.
Friendship breakups can be just as traumatic as romantic ones, especially for kids who are just learning to handle their emotions. Fortunately, there are ways for parents to lend a hand without seeming too fussy. Try these four strategies if your child is sad about losing their BFF.
Be A Safe Space For Your Child
When your kids open up to you, be mindful of your facial expression, vocal reactions and behavior during the conversation. Kids will learn what they feel safe sharing based on your emotional reactions, so being upset or unemotional as they share their feelings is likely to make them shut down.
The most important thing is to be empathetic. Sharing a story from your own childhood and how you overcame it might encourage them to open up more. Normalizing and validating their feelings can feel comforting to your child. They will be learning the power of vulnerability, which can be difficult to explain otherwise.
Ask How They Dealt With It
The most straightforward way to help your child get past the frenemy stage is to make them feel empowered that they can move on. If their friendship was strong and suddenly took a turn for the worse, what was their reaction? If they haven’t talked to the friend yet, what would they say? Having an idea of how your child will respond in these situations can give you insight into their personality and problem-solving skills, which can help you advise future sticky situations.
Define Friendship Together
Relationship dynamics can be complicated. A healthy exercise for you and your child to do together is writing or drawing what friendship means to you and comparing notes. It’s an easy way to open a dialogue about their current friendship dynamics, as well as what might be causing the rift. An example would be “someone who is there for me.” If your child expects their friend to meet them in most cases but is disappointed when the friend never texts, calls or shows up for plans, you can explore why they think they have to maintain the relationship. Social media friends aren’t the same as real-life friends, so a healthy discussion on the meaning of likes and comments would be helpful, too.
Role Play Potential Solutions
Helping your kids practice what they’d say to a friend who hurt their feelings is guaranteed to make them feel more empowered. Being prepared for a range of responses can help your kids find their voice, stand up for themselves and be more assertive in a range of situations life might throw at them. Similarly, discussing times when it’s OK to walk away from a friendship—or when to be a better friend—can be a valuable way to teach them what is and isn’t acceptable behavior. Not all relationships are meant to last, and showing your kids you can be an ally as their friend circle shifts is a beautiful thing.
A Natural Part of Growing UP
Friendship breakups are a natural, if painful, part of growing up—and with your support, they can also be powerful opportunities for learning and resilience. By creating a safe space, encouraging reflection and helping your child build communication skills, you’re giving them tools they’ll carry into every future relationship.
While you can’t take away the hurt, you can remind them they’re not alone—and that every ending can make room for stronger, healthier connections ahead.
