We know that the pandemic has been a challenging time for many kids with limited outdoor play options, isolation from friends and virtual learning. However, there are many things that have worked for families—things you want to continue as we go back to in-person schooling and schedules. It’s time to reset your family schedule with things like easing up on the busyness and heavy load that the new school year can bring on a family’s daily routine.
We talked to former teacher, school board chair and state legislator, Kristen J. Amundson about what families should be thinking about as they create their schedules this school year. She has spent decades answering parents’ questions about all aspects of school and recently answered many of those questions in her book, 81 Questions for Parents: Helping Your Kids Succeed in School. A running chorus in her book is for families to take a deep breath and stop trying to do everything in hopes of reaching an unrealistic goal.
Amundson—who is also the past president and CEO of the National Association of State Boards of Education (NASBE)—says you don’t have to do so much to help your child achieve their goals and dreams.
“Parents often ask me, ‘What should I be doing?’ And I look at them and say, ‘LESS. Less is what you should be doing,’” said Amundson, who has an adult daughter.
Here are a few things she recommends to families to do to reset their schedule as we go into in-person schooling:
1. As much as you can, work yourself out of a job.
We can’t help our kids be independent if we do everything for them. And if the onus is on the parent to do everything in the morning and evening routines, that puts the stress on you to get out the door in the morning or to bed at night.
By middle school, make a list of all of the things you are doing for your kids and take one or two away each year. If your child can pack their lunch and change their bed linen, then they should. If your child is younger, they can be responsible for putting veggies in a container and picking out their clothes the night before.
Remember, because of the way a child’s brain develops, they won’t always plan ahead, so you still have to think ahead for them. In some ways it may take more planning time as you work through the process, but to raise children to be empowered, responsible adults, you have to help them get their independence muscles strong. So, whenever you can, let your child do a task to help.
2. Lay off the pressure to be perfect and cram in extracurricular activities.
No child ever didn’t get into Harvard because they did a lousy project in third grade. (Read that again.) So if your child comes to you the night before their science project is due, your mantra should be, “Well, I already finished third grade, so I know you can do this. I’ll help you get organized.” Give your child the skills to think forward but relax about the pressure to be perfect.
This is especially important as they get older and feel the need to excel to get into the “right” college. That means, they don’t have to fill up their schedule to do it all—president of their church group, AND star on the lacrosse team, AND drum major in the school band, AND lead community projects. Now, if they love doing it, help them prioritize and plan, but know that colleges aren’t looking for the kid that does 50-100 things. They are interested in kids who pursue things deeply.
3. Decide what’s really important for our family.
If it’s spending time together, then take a hard look in the mirror and consider your work/life balance. Carve out an hour or two during the week and on weekends and really think about how you want to spend your time and money together. And it does not need to be an elaborate or expensive activity. You can simply read books side by side, cook and eat dinner at the table together or just hang out. So even if you’re busy, it will be the kind of busy that nurtures you and your child because you are doing things that you love and that your family knows are important.
4. In this first semester back, give grace.
Teachers are going to be doing the very best they can. Parents are going to be doing the very best they can. Kids are going to be happy they are with their friends, but probably a little socially awkward and really tired because all day learning can be exhausting. So go into the first semester with patience and grace. Don’t go in hot. Grant grace to others and yourself. What you’re doing is hard, but kids are amazingly resilient and if they know you are on their team, they will be fine.
Kisha DeSandies Lester is the Senior Editorial & Digital Manager at National PTA. She and her husband are the parents to Ellington, five, and Charlotte, eight months.
