My middle son became an adult in 2020. He was among the first wave of teens who jumped feet first into a world changed by the pandemic, economic uncertainty, and with the lack of typical celebrations that mark the transition from “kid” to “adult.” Yet, he was raring to get out into the world, officially make his own decisions, and be in charge of his own life.
The Culture Shock of Adulthood
Once he was out in the world, though, he realized that being an adult is filled with mundane details and phone calls he had to make on his own. Every time I turned around, he had another question: “How do I pick an eye doctor and know if they take my insurance?” “What do I say to roadside assistance when I call them about my car?” “Did you know how expensive groceries are?! (The answers: Read reviews, go to the insurance company’s website and use the tool, tell them what’s wrong with the car, and yes, I absolutely do know how expensive groceries are.)
All of our teens are coming up on adulthood sooner than we think and most of them are like my son—they can’t wait to be adults. They want to make their own money and choose how to spend it. They want to come and go as they please without being accountable to anybody. That independence is worthy of celebration. It’s also worthy of preparation because it doesn’t happen overnight. So how do we set our kids up for success? Here are a few pointers!
Teach Real-Life Budgeting Skills
Talking about money and budgeting is easy to do in the abstract. It’s not hard to teach your teen the basics of a budget: Make a list of expenses, know how much money you have coming in, and then subtract those expenses from the money you have coming in.
But when was the last time your teen heard you talking about your own budget out loud? If you’re like many parents, the answer is never. We often don’t want our kids to worry about money, and whether we have it or not. Or, we don’t want them to know the specifics of how much money we have. Unfortunately, there are important nuances to budgeting that don’t get imparted when we choose not to have these conversations in front of our teens. Things like:
- Knowing that if you don’t work a set number of hours, your paycheck is going to vary, so you should base your budget on the least number of hours you might work.
- Using the net amount on your paycheck, not the gross amount, or even understanding the difference between the two. (The net is what you have coming in after all the taxes and other deductions are taken out.)
- Making sure you’re paying for all your “needs” before you start adding in “wants.” Your teen may want a new phone, but they need to pay for the phone plan first.
It’s also a good idea to teach some basics about cash and credit cards. In an Apple Pay, Venmo world, your teen may not think to carry cash. Let them know how important it is to have at least a few dollars on them at all times just in case the electronic systems or WiFi fails. And when it comes to credit cards, it can be easy for teens to see them as a way to get around their budget. Let them know that even though it may feel like they’re not spending money, they are. It’s just money they don’t currently have.
Read more: Finances: 7 Useful Lessons to Share with Your Kids
Provide Some Basic Culinary Skills
Your teen doesn’t need to be a master chef, but they should be able to make a few basic meals to keep themselves fed, know how to use the kitchen appliances, and how to make a grocery list. All of these skills can be taught both directly and indirectly. Show your teen how to use the coffeemaker while you’re making coffee. Explain how the burners turn on and off, and why you’re using the setting that you are when you cook vegetables or boil an egg. Teach your teen how to make meals by asking them to find the ingredients listed on a recipe and to read the recipe to you as you prepare it, or better yet, have them take over cooking one night!
And when it comes to grocery lists, you can either make one with them, or make your process of creating one explicit. In our house, we have a white board on the refrigerator that we use as a running grocery list. The house rule is if you eat the last of something, you need to put it on the list or it won’t be replenished. It only took a few instances of favorite snack foods and meal ingredients not showing up again for everyone to start following this practice.
Above all, let your teen know that adulthood is an ongoing learning process. There will always be things they or the other adults in their lives don’t know. It’s OK to not know, as long as they know who to ask or how to find out the answers!
Amanda Morin is the author of “Adulting Made Easy,” the associate director of thought leadership and expertise at Understood, a former teacher, and the mother of three children, including a college student and a twenty-something learning about adulting as they navigate the world. She was a guest on our podcast, Notes from the Backpack—check out her episode!
