When it comes to “adulting” people often think of skills like cooking and financial literacy, but they don’t always think about the art of communication. If we want our teens to be successful, it’s essential that we teach them to communicate clearly and respectfully as they venture out into the world on their own. So where do we start?
Have the “Text, Email or Call?” Discussion
The default communication method for many teens is texting. Unfortunately, once they’re an adult, they’ll quickly realize that not everything can be handled without having an actual conversation with someone.
It’s a good idea to go over the situations in which it’s OK to text or email vs. making a phone call. You don’t have to list them out all at once, you can just point out to your teen when you’re making phone calls or sending emails instead of texting. Eventually, your teen should know these three things:
- Phone calls are non-negotiable for emergencies, time-sensitive issues (like getting a prescription filled or letting your boss know you’re not coming to work that day), and if somebody specifically requests a phone call back when they leave a message.
- Texting is fine for anybody who would text them instead of calling, people who say they’re easier to reach by text, and in situations when your teen may not have the time or privacy to have a phone conversation.
- Email is perfect when they want to ask a question they don’t need a fast answer to, for making a non-urgent appointment, and for any correspondence your teen needs to keep an official record of that doesn’t require snail mail (like emails to teachers).
Remind your teen if they wouldn’t want anyone to see what they’ve written, don’t put it in an email. They probably know better than you do that people take and forward screenshots all the time.
Setting Boundaries
One of the harder parts of being an adult is that the same laws that let your teen make their own decisions also mean they have to speak for themselves. For instance, I can’t call the doctor for my son even if he wanted me to, because of privacy laws.
Speaking up can be difficult for young adults, especially if it means they’re setting boundaries about what they will or won’t do or how they expect other people to treat them. They may worry people won’t like them or will be offended. One way to make this a little easier is to reinforce the idea that when they set a boundary, they’re not doing it to someone else, they’re doing it for themselves.
Read More: Understanding Your Teen’s Brain
Communication 101
Some other basics of communication to model and teach your teen include:
- Being as clear as you can be when you speak to your teen. If you show them that you are expressing what you need, letting them know why you’re talking to them and what you’re hoping to get from the conversation, they’ll see that expressing themselves clearly can reduce the possibility of misunderstandings.
- Make expectations clear and don’t get angry when your teen doesn’t meet an unspoken expectation. Your teen needs to learn they can’t expect others to know what they need or want (or don’t need or don’t want) if it’s not communicated. For instance, if you say, “It’s fine, I don’t mind doing the dishes,” don’t expect your teen to know you wanted them to volunteer to do them instead.
- Let small things go after you’ve expressed how you feel. It’s important for teens to learn that throughout their lives, people will do irritating things that bother them or make them mad—and that’s OK. Once it’s been talked through, they don’t have to forget, but they may have to let go and stop dwelling on it.
- Respond to your teen when they try to communicate with you. If you can’t talk right away, send a quick text saying so. If you need space to calm down before responding, say that, too. Teens should know that unless there are extenuating circumstances (like a restraining order or you’re being harassed), it’s not OK to ignore people. Showing people you know they’re trying to communicate with you and that you’re willing to talk—even if it’s on your own terms—is a very adult move.
Generation Z on The Rise
Our teens may be coming into adulthood in uncertain times, but they’re also a generation of change-makers and doers. The details of adulthood may be new to them, but the resilience, creative ideas, and innovative thinking needed to navigate it aren’t. With your help, they can be strong, successful adults, and the world will be a better place for it.
Amanda Morin is the author of “Adulting Made Easy,” the associate director of thought leadership and expertise at Understood, a former teacher, and the mother of three children, including a college student and a twenty-something learning about adulting as they navigate the world. She was a guest on our podcast, Notes from the Backpack—check out her episode!
