What is Social Emotional Learning? The Collaborative for Academic, Social, and Emotional Learning (CASEL) identifies the five core social emotional competencies as social awareness, self-awareness, self-management, responsible decision-making and relationship skills.
But what does that really look like in action? March 26 is International SEL Day, so in honor of the occasion, we asked parents, “How do you help your child develop social and emotional skills at home?”
Setting Expectations
“We talk regularly in our house about what each family member’s “superpowers” are in the social-emotional realm, and what things are more challenging for them. I think this helps all of us remember that we are unique and relate to one another differently. My daughter, for example, is very physical, affectionate and impulsive, while my son is more physically and verbally reserved. They know that neither is “right” or “wrong,” just different. Talking about it helps all of us remember that what we might want for ourselves isn’t necessarily what others want from us.”
— Mary Kadera, Kenmore Middle School PTA, mother of children ages 11 and 13
“I often emphasize the importance of emotional regulation (controlling our emotions vs. allowing our emotions to control us) and treating others with kindness as respect. The best part of promoting emotional well-being at home is that I, too, learn and grow alongside my children. When there are days that our emotional regulation is slightly off, we celebrate that tomorrow is a new day and we will have plenty of opportunities to continue learning and growing.” – Mini Martinez, Crystal Lake Elementary PTA, mother of children ages 8, 11 and 14
Self-Examination
“We try to help our children develop their social and emotional skills by first trying to have them form and experience positive relationships. We try to do this at home by modeling what positive relationships look like. As parents, my wife and I strive to show respect toward each other in all situations, including disagreements. We also have the same expectations with our three sons towards each other. In addition to building relationships at home, our boys participate in youth sports. I believe youth sports are a great venue to build positive relationships and build skills like sportsmanship, commitment, discipline and confidence, as well as how to deal with adversity.” – Rah’Sheen Clay, father of children ages nine, 11 and 15
“I follow the positive parenting style, which emphasizes empathy, respect, attachment, positive discipline and proactive parenting as its core principles. I also have become a student of my kids’ development stage. Child development and brain development education is important to know as parents so we can respond in a more appropriate way as we help our children develop their social and emotional skills.” – Alexis Maycock, Navo MS PTA, mother of children ages four and 14
Going Beyond the Surface
“We do a lot of processing together. When a troubling event takes place—a friend being mean, schoolwork becoming overwhelming, people storming the Capitol—we talk about it. We talk about what we can change, what we can’t change, and where to go from here. I think it is important for my children to know there is always a path forward; we just have to figure out what it is.” – Crystal Levine, Pleasant Hill Elementary School PTA, mother of children ages seven, nine and 11
“Creating consistent opportunities for conversation to happen is critical (like nightly family mealtime). We ask how are you ‘feeling’ vs ‘how are you doing’ regularly, listen to them, model wanted behavior like expressing how I feel in the moment, whether it’s frustrated/angry/excited, etc. and why. Sometimes asking about how their friends or other kids their ages are feeling allows us to talk ‘metaphorically’ and if they don’t want to talk to us (their parents) we try to encourage them to have people to talk to.” – Vanessa Santamaria Dainton, Lively MS PTSA & McCallum HS PTSA, mother of children ages 13 and 16
Parenting with Compassion
“My daughter was struggling with an overloaded schedule, but she feared being labeled a quitter if she withdrew from extra-curricular activities. She knows her dad and I have high expectations for her, but we let her know she would not be letting us down if she needed to lighten her load. She was very nervous about talking with her coach, but we encouraged her to have a face-to-face conversation. Happily, the coach was very kind to her, and I can tell the entire experience has boosted her confidence.” – Heather Zirke, Berea-Midpark Middle School PTA, mother of children ages 12 and 13
“We do breathing exercises together to practice for the times we are stressed. We discuss two highs and one low in the car ride home after school pick up. We talk about appropriate responses and responsibility for when situations are not in our control. We talk about talking kindly to ourselves (out loud and in our heads). We also give each other lots of hugs, kisses and snuggles!” – Rebecca Cheek, Pleasant Hill Elementary School PTA, mother of children ages 8 and 10
Rebecca Bauer is a family engagement specialist for the National PTA Center for Family Engagement.
